


Natural Selection of the Football Team

by GoofyGodTier (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, F/F, F/M, Humanstuck, M/M, Multi, generic high school au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-05-16
Updated: 2012-05-16
Packaged: 2017-11-05 11:33:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/405936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/GoofyGodTier
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave Strider is the captain of the football team and he is sort of a bully. </p><p>And that's all I can think of at the moment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Natural Selection of the Football Team

Your name is Dave Strider and this is what being a football player is all about.

You’ve got the girls and the popularity. The teachers love you and the nerds fear you. You’ve got people doing your homework that you can’t be bothered to do yourself; not that you don’t do your homework. You do the easy homework. The homework that requires writing. You do all your essays and just push off your math and notetaking onto some nerd who was going to do it anyway. You’re tough shit here and no one’s going to say no to Dave motherfucking Strider.

The only two people who don’t buy into your tough shit act are your brother and the albino kid that’s always spouting curse words and nonsense. Normally, this kid would get on your nerves, but to be honest, he’s a loner and a freak; no one pays any attention to him, why should you? And in the case of your brother, he knows every trick in the book. He was once in your shoes three or four years ago. Though it was hard his senior year (the year he turned 18) when your parents died. Bro’s never told you how they died and you really don’t want to know unless it’s a disease that you might get yourself. Not that you don’t care about your parents, it’s more of protecting yourself from imagining the horror that they went through.

Bro started taking care of you after that. He became like your dad. Legally, he was your guardian now. He stayed in town for you, to take care of you, and even with nothing more than a GED, he was doing pretty well. He had a website started up that was mainly these creepy as fuck stuffed animals he liked to call smuppets getting it on. You weren’t going to judge him (even though it’s fucking weird) because it was what was paying the bills and buying your apple juice. 

And you’re not going fuck with what could potentially stop your brother from stocking up on that golden nectar from the apple juice gods.

School’s a piece of cake and it has been a piece of cake since freshman year. You had your brother’s rep to protect you and it fit you like a glove. The bullying of the nerds was a piece of cake and even senior girls were falling for you. You went to prom your freshman and sophomore years. Girls asked you. Girls paid for you. They even paid for your tux rental when you told them that your brother wouldn’t in a million years. You were living the good life. It was great. People treated you like royalty.

And royalty you were. You became captain of the football team sophomore year because you were just a born leader and you had your brother’s genes. Plus you had the football playing talent that your brother had. All throughout middle school he was making you throw around a football with him so he could better himself. He was the captain of the football team too, back in his day. It was a Strider tradition of sorts. Being the most popular guy at school came naturally to you blondes. Being better than everybody else was a talent that both you and your brother had.

You try not to be too early when you go to school, though sometimes it’s fun. You’ve got your own car you seventeen year old heartthrob you and it’s a nice one at that. It’s a bright red Mustang that Bro bought you for your Sweet Sixteen (at which there was beer present because he bought that for you guys too). Your bro wasn’t loaded per se, but he could damn well get what he wanted. He always had new equipment he was messing around with. New turntables or mixing equipment. The apartment you guys lived in probably had the most music related equipment that wasn’t a store or a club in town and he used them. He wore them out in no time, taking on amateur DJing jobs when he was anything but. Your brother truly had the talent of a professional DJ.

But you digress from your original point. Point is, you get to school in your candy red Mustang and girls are already started to come up to you with flirty winks and giggles. You shrug them off and head inside the school, avoiding the weird blind girl whose cane is almost blocking the hallway. Three freshman trip over it and she just cackles. What a weirdo.

The kid in the wheelchair is rolling through the hallways ahead of you. God he’s such a pain in everyone’s ass. He gets in everyone’s way and runs over people toes. His stutter too. His fucking stutter. It pisses you off to no end. You can’t stand that kid’s stutter. It’s almost as bad as that one computer nerd’s lisp and that buck toothed kid’s fucking buck teeth. Oh look, there’s the dork with glasses now.

He’s walking past you wearing his dumb blue sweatshirt that has that weird swirly thing on it. You don’t even know. It’s dumb and that’s the end of it. It’s got a hood though and the kid uses a satchel so as he passes by you, you take a hold of the extraneous fabric in your hand and yank him towards you and the lockers. He squeaks softly in surprise and you don’t shove him into the locker like you usually do, but only because you gave it to him pretty good the last time you touched him and hell, you weren’t terrible.

“Hey, kid,” you say a bit curtly. His bright blue eyes widen; he’s a bit freaked out. Though that’s not a surprise. You had that effect on dorks like him. “Whatever happened to the braces plan?”

“W-Well, uh, my dad doesn’t think I really need them, you know?” he says quickly with a slight stutter. He’s fighting it though. Props to him.

“Right right, that sucks,” you mutter and push him away from you. You don’t really care about him. Sometimes you just feel bad that his face just pisses you off so much that you can’t help it when your fist comes in contact with his eye. But then oh well. It’s not your fault his face has that effect on you. It’s his own damn fault and if he doesn’t want to keep going home with bruises that cover his damn face, then he’ll do something about it.

He stumbles away from you and hurries off to class. Fucking freshman always clogging the hallways. It is beyond frustrating to move from class to class. You eventually get to your first period and you take your seat in the back of the room as the bell rings. You’re on time, another Strider family trait. Most people would assume that you Striders are those “fashionably late” types, but you and your brother are more of the “punctual as fuck” types. Not that you show up exactly when an invitation to a party says it starts, but you get there when it is right to do so. 

Now that probably make sense to anyone but you and your brother, but oh well. Those lost can suck your dick because you can not care less.

Class goes by quickly and you’re grateful for that. It’s math after all and you’ve got some chump taking your notes for you because well, you asked and he said he would. You’ve been paying attention, just not enough to write everything down. You’re not a complete dick to the people around you.

Okay maybe you are kind of a dick to the people around you. Sheesh fine okay, maybe more than “kind of” too. Okay god damn it! You are a huge dick to the people around you, but everyone lets it slide. Why? Because you are Dave mother fucking Strider, captain of the football team who hasn’t lost a game all year thanks to your leadership. You are a god to these people.

And like in that movie that you’ve seen a billion times because it’s ironic as fuck for the seventeen year old football captain to be watching the Road to El Dorado as much as a person can, you are going to let them think you are a god until you are proven false. But unlike in the Road to El Dorado, you really are a god and not two greedy as fuck spaniards.

Okay you really need to shut up about your movies.

Lunch eventually rolls around and you take your seat at the table with all the other football players. The table near you is full of kids from the swim team. Most of them are pretty cool but one of the girls there is always getting on your case for bullying others and then there’s some other guy who just seems to be obsessed with her or something. The table at the farthest reaches of the cafeteria is where the weird albino loser sits with the weird as fuck blind chick and it wouldn’t surprise you if those two weirdos were dating. The buck toothed kid, the kid in the wheelchair, and the lispy kid are all sitting at a table near the albino and the blind chick. ou see Roxy, your brother’s girlfriend (or that’s what you at least think she is based on when she’s over at your house and the noises you hear from your brother’s room when she’s there) is sitting with some stoner.

And that’s enough looking around the damn cafeteria. It’s time to get your munch on.

**Author's Note:**

> Yay! New fanfic! But yeah, now I have three to update, but I promise Gold Rush will be updated by Saturday! I have most of the next chapter written, I just need to type it up for you. But for now, have a new fic in which Dave is a total asshole.


End file.
